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10月14日

My View on Environmental Protection Ⅰ

Human beings have been asking for what nature can offer, since the day they were born.  The greed of human beings disables themselves to escape from the severe punishment of nature. The global warming, greenhouse effect and a variety of pollution have already been warning human beings that it’s high time for human beings to pay back.
   
How can we human beings pay off the debts owed to nature?
   
As more and more environmental problems arise, people gradually concern themselves with the problems. And governments and organizations concerned have already taken some actions. But the effect is so tiny, compared with the amount of destruction we do to nature.
   
So what can we do to make environmental protection more effective?
   
Personally I think we can take three general steps, that is, preventing the occurrence, control the process and dealing with the consequence.
  
Since we all know that to eradicate THE INFECTIOUS DISEASES WE NEED TO CUT OFF THE INFECTIOUS SOURCE FIRST, to stop the pollution or something similar, we do almost the same. We should legislate to make factories which may cause environmental problems illegal and fine the people who are responsible for them. Besides, we should strengthen the public’s consciousness of environmental protection by all means.
  
To carry out the second step, we should be more rational or sensible. It’s clear that the development of industry is the foundation of the nation’s economy. We can’t tear down all factories in a short time. Obviously, if we do so, it’ll influence the economy a lot. So it’s a long-term task. It takes time.
  
Some environmental problems, like various pollutions have already exist, so what we can do is carry out the third step----- to deal with them. In this section, we require a lot of money. We need money to deal with the waste; we need money to plant trees; we need money to do what is needed to be done.
  
In a word, we need both time and money. This is the serious cost of the behaviors of human beings.
 
 

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Lynn撰寫:
As to your written piece, it's OK as far as it goes, and I particularly like your systematic approach to past, present and future concerns; but you are a little heavy on rhetoric and light on substance. You could do with a few concrete examples to back up the theory. Regarding style, it is rather clipped: for example, paragraph 2 would benefit from 2 sentences rather than 3, and there are also too many sentences in your antepenultimate paragraph. Also, your grammar and vocabulary are occasionally too informal (see below). So now follow some detailed comments:
 
offer,   >   offer
2nd sentence needs rephrasing
has   >   have
it's   >   it is
the infections   >   infections
, to   >   ; to
the pollution   >   pollution
It's   >   It is
it'll   >   it will
a lot   >   greatly
it's   >   it is
have already   >   already
-----   >   :
lot   >   great deal (or) large amount
a word   >   short (time and money are two words)
behavious   >   behaviour
 
These comments are from Rod
11 月 2 日

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